Fist Pump in the Elevator Down

It was generally known amongst the non-decision makers that the layoffs we were forewarned about would be announced Wednesday morning as we walked in the door. I had been at work for almost half an hour, click-clacking away, and I was beginning to feel nervous I would not be amongst the chosen to go.

The U.S. unemployment rate hit an all time quarter-century high in May. It is offensive to some that I should actively have felt my place is with the 9.4% of Americans out of work, but I won't apologize for my feelings. To some, there is no justification for feeling that way.

So why?

Simply put, I wanted to see what it would feel like. I've lost all feeling in routine and I know it sounds trite and Office Space-ey to say that, but I've genuinely regained a sense of who I am by not having to do anything specific. Such as wake up.

Money. My ends have always been more modest than my means and I never went without. But what I wanted was dumb. Now I wave goodbye to things like rich man's Gatorade, at a savings of about least $40 monthly. I'm learning resourcefulness. This excites me.

And I can learn all kinds of other things. Now I have time. Tomorrow is a surprise. This excites me too.

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A fatalist, I was just beginning to breath an ambivalent sigh of relief as the clock ticked and I remained at my desk when the HR contractor they have to handle these matters placed a gentle hand on my shoulder and apologized for a recession. The hours following that awkward meeting are a surreal blur but I do recall that the unneeded waves of support I received from friends and family were pregnant with the question, "What now?".

What now? Let's see. It's 10 am and I am out of work. What am I going to do?

1. I'm going to buy one final last hurrah bullshit Vitamin Water!
2. I'm going to go find the boy I like who has afternoons off and I'm going to have what I learned this week is called a "nooner"!
3. I'm going to have just your typical lazy Wednesday afternoon with a beer.
4. I'm going to put on a bathing suit and go to the pool where my friends have gathered to celebrate my good fortune!
5. I'm going to wake up late the next day. I'm going to smoke and go bowling!
6. I'm going to have more nooners!

Look at all those exclamation points. So far I notice that there's a lot more exclaiming when you're unemployed. Alas, I realize, this is the honeymoon phase. The severance runs out, the savings run out. I'm realistic. But I have some things I need to do in this life. I couldn't bring myself to make them happen without that push from Fate.

Boyfriendless now. Jobless, finally, I may finally get my lazy, fraidy cat-ass out of this town.

I'm thinking L.A.

For those looking to take bolder action, please view this inspiring tidbit